Thomas Ashton Barbey

Thomas Ashton Barbey was born on June 5, 1945, to Earl and Susan Barbey, in Burbank, California.

More than once, his mother despaired of Tom surviving his youth: a fearless daredevil, Tom was up for anything. From shooting off fireworks at close range to rooftop construction to racing go-karts with Chuck and Earl (his brothers and fellow daredevils) in underground tunnels they “accidentally” discovered—if there was fun to be had, Tom was there.

Despite his mom’s fears, Tom not only managed to survive, he thrived. He excelled socially and athletically throughout high school, then went on to pursue an engineering degree at Cal State University Northridge, where he was an excellent student.

But excellent student or not, when Tom had the chance to go to Hawaii during summer break, he didn’t think twice. Lucky thing, too, because that was where he met Barbara Lee Bricker. Like him, she was on vacation. Like him, she lived in Southern California. Like him, she fell quickly in love. The two married on August 9, 1969, and—apart from a brief separation to serve in the Air National Guard during the Vietnam War—they were together daily for the rest of his life.

Soon after they married, Tom and Barbara welcomed their son, Stephen, who was followed by Elizabeth, Laura, and Christopher. To support his college bills and growing family, Tom began a tutoring business. It began as a side hustle, but a good teacher is hard to find, and a great one like Tom was in demand. By the time he graduated, Tom was making more money as a tutor than he could as an engineer, so he began a tutoring business that he continued for four decades. Not only smart, but personable and discreet, Tom eventually tutored movie stars and their children…along with anyone else who wanted to hire him.

Indeed, Tom never turned away a student who wanted to hire him. Even if they needed help on subject he didn’t know, he just bought a copy of their textbook and stayed one chapter ahead. Whatever they needed to learn, Tom would teach, whether it was math help or life advice. By the time he stopped tutoring, he had not only helped thousands of students graduate, but had saved more than one student from personal disaster as he extended a helping hand to any and all.

As busy as he was, though, Tom always made time for the things that mattered most to him: his family and his faith. Tom believed in God from a young age, and after marrying Barbara, they joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where Tom continued faithful to the end. He served in numerous positions, from Nursery Leader to Sunday School teacher to temple worker.

That service-oriented attitude extended beyond the church building, too. As a young father, Tom happened across a terrible accident, staying with a young woman trapped in her car so she would not have to pass her last moments alone. After one of the largest earthquakes in Southern California’s history, Tom made sure his family was safe, then went house to house making sure that everyone in the neighborhood was safe and accounted for. During a fire, he started hosing down strangers’ homes, cool and calm as he got the job done. He was the kind of man everyone wanted near in an emergency…but never had to ask, because he was already there.

But more than anything else, Tom’s family will remember him at home. His children have memories of him throwing them in the pool, of barbecues in the firepit he built himself. Of him orchestrating (mostly legal) fireworks shows for the 4th of July, and cheering the loudest at his kids’ school

and sporting events—where he was also the coach, as often as not. Of him waking them up at 2 a.m. because there was a storm “they just had to see!” and taking them to Denny’s to talk about the weather before wrapping them in warm blankets and warmer hugs when they came back inside.

Most of all, they remember him laughing. Smiling. Holding tight to his wife as they faced life’s triumphs and toils. Teaching every one of his children—and then his grandchildren as well—everything they needed to get better grades in their classes, but always helping them remember that life was more than school.

At the age of 80, Tom was diagnosed with cancer. He faced it the same way he faced everything: fearless, strong, and worried about everyone but himself. In his final days, Tom’s greatest hope was that his sweet wife and wonderful children would look after each other, love each other, and continue shining the light he exemplified.

Tom. Tommy Daytime. Mr. Toes. Father. Son. Husband. Friend. Daddy. Pop. Grandpa. All will be missed by his surviving wife, children, grandchildren, and friends…and by countless others in the greater family to which he believed we all belong.